Tips for New Single Parents

Whether your divorce is final or you are still going through the process, divorce is hard. Divorce is not only hard on you, it's hard on the whole family especially the children. Everyone will often be in those moments where one can easily make an off colored comment or subtle injection, but if you would like to make the transition easier on your children and maintain their mental well being... Don't!

Below are a few tips for single parents. Even though to most they may seem like common sense, many of us need to be reminded so that in the heat of the moment we do not make the wrong decision.

When your children go to the other parent, don't call it a visit or visitation. No matter how disproportionate, say that your children live with both parents.
Save your arguments, discussions and negotiations for times when the children are not around and cannot hear you. Then never discuss these with your children after the fact.
Your children are not messengers. Don't use them to communicate to the other parent directly or indirectly.
Don't waste your time worrying about the time you are not with your child when the child is there. Enjoy the moment and you will both be happier.
Don't make your child feel bad about having fun or enjoying the other parent's time. If this upsets you, hide your emotions.
Your child is your child first and above all. Don't treat them as your friend, therapist or confidante. Find support somewhere else.
Don't bad mouth the other parent in front of your children or in front of someone who will tell your child.
Never ask your children who they like better, is a better cook or who is funnier.
Don't try to pump information about your ex spouse from your children.
Encourage your child to spend quality time with the other parent and nurture that relationship. Your child's development depends on a good relationship with both of you.
Don't try any tactics to reduce the time spent with the other parent.
Don't tell your children directly or indirectly that they cut their time short with the other parent.
Be on time for all custodial transfers.
Be flexible with the schedule and show your children that you two are able to work out problems on your own.
Be civil and respectful when you have conversations wit the other parent. If things get heated, end the conversation, calm down and continue it when the children are not around.
Keep in mind that neither you or your ex is perfect and you both will make mistakes.
Don't try and be both parents to your children. Just be yourself.
Don't make promises that you can't keep.

Always remember what your ultimate goal is. Whether it is before, during or after a divorce, your goal is to raise happy, well adjusted and healthy children. Divorce or anything that your ex-spouse has done should ever change that goal.

Article written by Ruth
© Copyright 2005 All Rights Reserved

Back to Articles Index