Inconsistent Visits

It happens everyday to many single parents. Your child or children are ready for their visit with the other parent who never shows up. First you get angry and then you feel the rejection and pain of your children. You wish you could ask the police to drag your ex over to pick up their children, but you know you can't do that. However there are other options.

First, find out if your ex is just late or will not show up at all. If your ex is just late then you can talk to your children at a level they will understand that sometimes things happen and people are late. If this happens all of the time, then you need to have a private conversation with your ex and remind him or her that it breaks your children's hearts and see they understand. If this is going to happen all of the time because of work or traffic, but your ex always shows up, then you need to start planning visits at an approximate or later time so that the children are not disappointed. Meanwhile, as you wait, try and keep your children's minds occupied on something else.

If, however, your ex has the habit of not showing up at all or cancels regularly, you need to have a conversation with him or her. Remember that if you go into this conversation finger pointing, accusing and looking for a fight, you will get one. Even though your marriage is over and you are now divorced, you probably still know this person pretty good and what buttons not to push. If you have to wait for a time when you have calmed down. A confrontation will serve no purpose at all if it turns ugly. Remember that that you are doing this for your children and their happiness. Try an negotiate a schedule or plan where your ex will be more likely not to miss the visit.

You and your ex need to setup some ground rules if visitations are not going smoothly. You might make a rule that says that pick up will occur within a half hour window and that if a cancellation is to occur, no less then 5 hours notice should be given. Rescheduling, and any other conversations about custody visitations, should never be in front of your children.

If all your efforts are fruitless, concentrate on your children. Reassure them that the other parent loves them. Tell them that just because he or she has cancelled, it doesn't mean that they are not important in their life. Your children's well being and happiness should always come first. They need the time with both parents. Visitations are important to them so they should be important to you. Don't give in to your anger and make a bad situation worse by bad mouthing your ex. If you can, let the visitation be a surprise so your children won't be disappointed if it does not happen.

Article written by Ruth
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