Reconciliation

If you never second guess your decision to divorce, you might not be human. It is very normal for you to have days when you have doubts about the children, your financial situation, and if you can make it on your own. This may lead to thoughts of reconciliation with your ex spouse. Yes reconciliation sometimes does work, however , if there is no continued couples therapy and allot of hard work, you both may fall back into old habits and the patterns that lead to divorce often reappear.

The first thing you must ask yourself is if it is possible. Be objective and imagine everything that would need to change in your spouse and within yourself to make you both happy. In short, imagine a near perfect marriage. Now ask yourself if all those changes are really possible in the long term.

Yes anything is possible but be realistic. Let's say you both are willing and involved in marri9age counseling or couples therapy. Be realistic taking into account yours and your spouses character and conservatively estimate how much you both would actually change for the good of the relationship. Would that be enough to make your marriage last? Like many others you might realize that nothing may be enough especially when you are trying to overcome issues of mistrust, betrayal, adultery or abuse. You are not a quitter or a failure, you have just realized that you should cut your losses.

Seeing that we have just touched the subject of abuse and that it is not really the topic of this article, let me just make something very clear. IF YOU ARE OR HAVE BEEN ABUSED... GET OUT NOW! Was that clear enough? No second chances, no thoughts of reconciliation, just get your stuff and/or your kids and get the hell out. Period!

Having said that, let us continue with the article. Many times the wish to reconcile is really a wish to return to something familiar. It is also sometimes the fear of not knowing what is to come rather than an actual wish to reconcile. You will never know what the future hold with or without your spouse. Basing your decision on fear is not a healthy way to make a decision and can often lead you down the wrong path. Basing your decision on the truth an the actual facts is much healthier and puts you in control of your own life.

Clear your head, look at all the facts past, present and future before you decide what is best for you. Making the decision to reconcile or not using this process will allow you to free yourself from always looking to the past and asking yourself if you made the right decision. I believe in you, believe in yourself.

Article written by Jane
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