Divorce and You

You can survive divorce
It might feel like you are alone, but you are not. Last year alone there were over 1 million divorces in the U.S.. Multiply that number by 2 and that is how many people that went through divorce and lived to tell about it. So will you! Yes it seems that your whole world is coming down around you and this makes you feel anxious and panicked. It's perfectly normal that you feel this way but rest assured that you will feel better in time. Things have a tendency to work themselves out if you remain calm, collected and in control of your emotions.

Putting it mildly, there is no question that divorce is not pleasant. It is one of the most stressful situations you will ever face. According to studies done, it follows closely behind the stress caused by the death of a spouse and is ahead of the death of a close family member, jail or the loss of employment. It's easy to let it overwhelm you and send you into a deep depression. Don't let that happen. Do it for yourself, your children, or whatever reason you can find at the moment. You can, you must and you will survive.

War is not the answer
As an adult you know that war can sometimes not be avoided. However, keep in mind that as in the real thing, going to war rarely results in no casualties. There are always casualties. If your divorce includes children, they will be the first to be added to the casualty list followed by both your wallets. Negotiation, compromise, open discussion between both parties will more likely result in a much more painless divorce for all involved.

If at all possible avoid a war and try to work together with your spouse as quickly as possible. Let's face it, you are on different sides, you will want different things and you may certainly be angry, upset, resentful and even spiteful about past events or your spouse. Rise above it. Put those emotions behind you or on hold and focus on the task at hand which is ending your marriage and getting on with the rest of your life.

Divorce is not that complicated
Divorce has really been over complicated by lawyers, the court and warring spouses. It really isn't that complicated and can easily be boiled down to 3 simple steps.

Dividing your property
Creating a parenting plan
Child and/or Spousal Support

How complicated each of these 3 steps get is really up to you and your spouse. Approach each of these issues one by one in a rational manner and you should be able to get through it quickly. Keep in mind that unlike what it seems to be like in Hollywood, divorce is not a profitable business. You will always lose something. Especially if there are children involved, taking the other party "to the cleaners" often back fires and you may end up losing the most important thing of all. How you behave in your divorce will greatly affect the way you are viewed by your children as they grow up and are able to process all of the observations and information they will gather throughout your divorce. A fair and equitable divorce with 2 stable and involved parents who are moving on with their lives will result in much happier and emotionally healthy children.