Children and Divorce

Right now the divorce rate is increasing at an remarkable rate, and as a result close to 50% of children are growing up in a single parent home. It is well established that children need their parents for them to properly develop mentally, emotionally as well as physically. It is also widely recognized that if the bond between a parent and a child is broken, negative consequences can result and very often it can be traumatic for the child. It can then be said that for the sake of the children, your children, and for their well being, removing a parent from their lives could really hurt your child. There are of course exceptions where the removal of a parent is mitigated. However, rest assured that pride and spite are never reason enough to remove a parent.

Many parents do not realize how much they can affect how their children handle the break up of a marriage. There are many things you can do (or not do) that can greatly ease your children through the process and the changes.

Help your children with these simple tips:

Be there for and listen to your children
Let your children know why you are getting divorced. If possible do this with both parents presents and united.
Reassure them often that your divorce is not their fault.
Never use your children as messengers.
Never argue in front or within earshot of your children.
Divorce by definition will mean many changes. Try and reduce the number of changes and keep as many constants as possible in their lives. For example, the neighborhood you live in or the school they attend.
Try to agree on similar methods of discipline with the children.
Allow quality time with both parents even if the child seems to favor one parent at a particular time.
Children are not spies. Don't try and get information about the other parent through a child.
Don't make your children choose or take sides. Usually their only wish id to make you both happy.
Do not bad mouth or criticize the other parent in front of the children as they will take it personally.
Let your children be children. Even if you think they are old enough to understand or you believe they can handle it... they usually can't. Find support elsewhere.
Don't be afraid to get professional help for your children.
Don't make promises you can't keep. If you think you can, think again. Kids have memories like elephants and rarely forget a promise. If you make a promise, keep it.
Never give up. Never let yourself believe that a distance is too great or the interval of visits/phone calls is too great and not worth it. Every bit counts.
Don't forget about yourself when busy taking care of everyone else.
Try and keep routines and your children's relationships.

You have the power to help your children deal with your divorce and all of the changes that accompany such an event. Behave honorably and ever ever resolve yourself to be an uninvolved parent. No matter how great the distance.